This is the first blog post I am writing in 2021 and it’s May already! I had such amazing intentions for this year but life had other plans for me that I had to lean into. I have learnt through my healing journey that sometimes the best thing you can do, is to just be and give yourself the space to process whatever you are experiencing in your life. In the past, I would have really beat myself up about not doing everything I intended to do. I would think that I was letting myself and others down, that I wasn’t serious enough, or good enough or strong enough. I would have pushed myself to just move on without actually processing what I was going through.
Why don’t we want to “just be”? From, what I have seen and experienced in the past, we don’t want to have to face the voices in our head. We don’t want to feel the emotions that are coming up. We don’t want to have to admit to ourselves that we feel so disconnected, that it actually feels easier to do anything other than just being. The more we avoid ourselves, the more we start to lose touch with ourselves. We start to forget who we are, what our dreams are, what matters to us, we stop building one the most important relationship we ever have.. the relationship with ourselves.
How we speak to ourselves
In the words of one of my teachers Marisa Peer “The only opinion that really matters is the opinion you have of yourself and the only words that matter are the words you say to yourself.” The issue is, we often reserve the worst opinions and worst words for ourselves, we say things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else (unless you are a troll on social media. haha). We set the expectations on ourselves so high that getting even close to them would be an awesome achievement. We don’t acknowledge the small steps we have taken, but instead attack ourselves for everything we have not done.
All the should of, would of, could of scenarios weigh heavy on us and we start to develop a harsh inner critic. This inner voice is often mirrored on someone in our childhood that may have been hard on us or had unrealistic expectations of us. From this we often formed beliefs about ourselves that we are not enough, we don’t matter, we aren’t worthy. A lot of this can also stem from our past hurts, pains and traumas that we may not have processed. It is really difficult to build a proper relationship with ourselves when there is this much inner turmoil which is why we often look outside of us to drown out these voices.
6 Ways to stop beating yourself up
Beating yourself up doesn’t magically go away by drowning it out, so here are 6 healthy ways you can start letting go and reduce the amount you may be doing this to yourself:
- Forgiveness – you often hear people speak about forgiveness, and we think that this applies to forgiving others which can feel really hard. However, I believe that often we actually need to forgive ourselves. So much of our resentment and regret is aimed at ourselves, for all the things we should of or should not have done so start to forgive yourself first. Forgive yourself for the times you may have been a victim, or not spoken up, or did something you wish you hadn’t or for giving your power away.
- Awareness – become aware of what you are actually saying to yourself when you are beating yourself up. Often these are just stories your mind is making up that have no basis in reality so the more you are aware of them, the more you can call BS on whatever you are saying to yourself.
- Stop taking yourself so seriously – society has often conditioned us to take ourselves and life a little too seriously. It is ok to make mistakes, it is ok to not have all the answers, it is ok to not always have it all together. Give yourself some credit and acknowledgement for what you are doing.
- Do more of what sets your soul on fire – spend more time doing what you really love to do. Often when we do the things we love, we move out of our heads and back in our hearts. Make time for the things that light you up.
- Trust – we often don’t have enough trust in ourselves and this can often come from us setting expectations that are too high. We tell ourselves we will do something, and then don’t do it and often it is because we are stretching ourselves beyond what is actually possible. So, become aware of what expectations you are putting on yourself and if they are realistic. Once you set realistic expectations and start to do what you tell yourself you are going to do, you can build up more trust for yourself.
- Body Connection – especially as women, we are often very disconnected from our body. This is often due to various pains and trauma we may have experienced. The words we are saying to ourselves often show up in our body as aches and pains so getting back in touch with your body helps you to notice these warning signs.
I hope you find these useful and remember to be kind to yourself. Often deeper work is needed in order to really get to the root cause of your inner critic and to start building a better relationship with yourself. The relationship you have with yourself affects all areas of your life, so it is worth investing time in getting to know yourself and letting go of your past.
If you feel you are ready to look deeper, I offer Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) and Coaching Packages. RTT is a powerful therapy, which I have been seeing PHENOMENAL results with my amazing clients, as it helps you get straight to the root cause of various issues as opposed to endless talking, digging and searching, going over your story session after session in the hope that the root of the issue might eventually be found.
Gaining a true understanding of why you are experiencing whatever you are struggling with, really frees you to let go and heal. Afterwards you are provided with a bespoke recording, made specially for you with love, to help you rewire your mind with new, empowering beliefs so you can start living the life you really want.
If you are interested to take advantage of this discount, feel free to apply for a 20 minute Wildflower in Bloom discovery call https://docs.google.com/forms/d/18TOqI_A75RGIKqL-hL00Rq4n5T7_CaJucWkchowSEF8/edit so we can discuss further. I am looking forward to connecting with you soon.